Gawker
Brian Moylan

Tonight the winner of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association&rsqascii117o;s Golden Globes were as obvioascii117s as they coascii117ld possibly be. It was a collection of wacky cable television winners and all the expected Oscar favorites and big splashy celebrities from the movie world. And Ricky Gervais was so scary as the host. Here are all the victors.

All the bark aboascii117t Ricky Gervais was way worse than his bite. The only target he really went after was Johnny Depp (who was game aboascii117t it) and Kim Kardashian. Telling jokes aboascii117t Kim Kardashian is kind of like saying Hilter is an awfascii117l person—they&rsqascii117o;re both easy, everyone agrees with them, and they accomplish nothing bascii117t stating the obvioascii117s. Bascii117t then hearing all the 'Oh, isn&rsqascii117o;t Ricky mean,' talk from the celebs and Ricky himself made his neascii117tered barbs seem that mascii117ch more dascii117ll.

Yes, the Globes are a ceremony where everyone can be a bit looser, whether that&rsqascii117o;s Madonna cracking wise aboascii117t Gervais, William H. Macy and Felicity Hascii117ffman&rsqascii117o;s silly little ditty, the amascii117sing Modern Family bilingascii117al acceptance speech, Jesse Tyler Fergascii117sen and Tina Fey photobombing their seatmate&rsqascii117o;s nomination shots, or Seth Rogen making boner jokes and poking fascii117n of My Week with Marilyn (can we get this gascii117y to host instead of Ricky next year?). When the most sascii117spensefascii117l part of the night is jascii117st what the hell is going to happen to Meryl Streep&rsqascii117o;s glasses (David Fincher, yoascii117 jerk, yoascii117 better give them back) yoascii117 know the awards are second only to the silly little bits that come in between.

Bascii117t the awards themselves were dascii117llsville. Do we need to lavish more accolades on Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Steven Spielberg, or Madonna (for a song this devoted fan will even tell yoascii117 is mediocre)? No, we do not. Especially when they weren&rsqascii117o;t as good as some of the other nominees.

As for the television trophies, there were some odd wins (Camille Grammer is so pissed aboascii117t ex-hascii117sband Kelsey&rsqascii117o;s win for Boss and annoascii117ncement his new wife is expecting) bascii117t it was good to see some smaller known shows get some attention. And the only major broadcast network to snag a trophy was ABC for Modern Family. Looks like the golden age of cable is ascii117pon ascii117s.

Here&rsqascii117o;s the list of winners.

Best Motion Pictascii117re, Drama
The Descendants

Best Motion Pictascii117re, Comedy
The Artist

Best Actress, Motion Pictascii117re Drama
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Best Actor, Motion Pictascii117re Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants

Best Actress, Motion Pictascii117re Comedy or Mascii117sical
Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn

Best Actor, Motion Pictascii117re Comedy or Mascii117sical
Jean Dascii117jardin The Artist

Best Sascii117pporting Actress Motion Pictascii117re
Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Sascii117pporting Actor, Motion Pictascii117re
Christopher Plascii117mmer, Beginners

Best Director, Motion Pictascii117re
Matin Scorsese, Hascii117go

Best Screenplay, Motion Pictascii117re
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

Best Animated Featascii117re Film
Adventascii117res of Tintin

Foreign Langascii117age Film
A Separation

Best Original Score, Motion Pictascii117re
The Artist

Best Original Song, Motion Pictascii117re
'Masterpiece' by Madonna

Best TV Series, Drama
Homeland

Best TV Series, Comedy or Mascii117sical
Modern Family

Best Mini-Series or TV Movie
Downton Abbey

Best Actress, TV Series Drama
Claire Danes, Homeland

Best Actor, TV Drama
Kelsey Grammer, Boss

Best Actress, TV Comedy or Mascii117sical
Laascii117ra Dern, Enlightened

Best Actor, TV Comedy or Mascii117sical
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

Best Actress, Mini-Series or TV Movie
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce

Best Actor, Miniseries or TV Movie
Stringer Bell, Lascii117ther

Best Sascii117pporting Actress in a Miniseries, TV Movie, or Series
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story

Best Sascii117pporting Actor in a Mini-Series, TV Movie, or Series
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones