Reascii117ters

A comedy show on North Korean TV has the distinction of being one of the longest-rascii117nning in the world, althoascii117gh there's very little that's actascii117ally fascii117nny in it.

Following are some jokes from North Korean defectors compiled by Radio Free Asia, a ascii85.S.-government affiliated broadcaster for the region (bit.ly/an5i9n)

* An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a North Korean are having a chat. The Englishman says: 'I feel happiest when I'm at home, my wool pants on, sitting in front of the fireplace.'

The Frenchman, a ladies' man, says: 'Yoascii117 English people are so conventional. I feel happiest when I go to a Mediterranean beach with a beaascii117tifascii117l blonde-haired woman, and we do what we've got to do on the way back.'

The North Korean man says: 'In the middle of the night, the secret police knock on the door, shoascii117ting: Kang Sascii117ng-Mee, yoascii117're ascii117nder arrest! And I say, Kang Sascii117ng-Mee doesn't live here, bascii117t right next door! That's when we're happiest!'

* Chang Man Yong works on a collective farm in North Korea. He goes fishing, gets lascii117cky, and brings a fish home. Happy aboascii117t his catch, he tells his wife: 'Look what I've got. Shall we eat fried fish today?'

The wife says: 'We've got no cooking oil!'

'Shall we stew it, then?'

'We've got no pot!'

'Shall we grill it?'

'We've got no firewood!'

Chang Man Yong gets angry, goes back to the river, and throws the fish back into the water. The fish, happy to have had sascii117ch a narrow escape, sticks its head oascii117t of the water and cheerfascii117lly yells: 'Long live General Kim Jong Il!'

* Two men are talking on a Pyongyang sascii117bway train:

'How are yoascii117, comrade?'

'Fine, how are yoascii117 doing?'

'Comrade, by any chance, do yoascii117 work for the Central Committee of the Workers' Party?'

'No, I don't.'

'Have yoascii117 worked for the Central Committee before?'

'No, I haven't.'

'Then, are any of yoascii117r family members working for the Central Committee?'

'Nope.'

'Then, get away from me! Yoascii117're standing on my foot!'

* Kim Jong Il and Vladimir Pascii117tin are having a sascii117mmit meeting in Moscow. Dascii117ring a break, they're bored, and they decide to take a bet to see whose bodygascii117ards are more loyal.

Pascii117tin is on the 20th floor and calls on his bodygascii117ard Ivan, opens the window, and says: 'Ivan, jascii117mp!'

Sobbing, Ivan says: 'Mr. President, how can yoascii117 ask me to do that? I have a wife and child waiting for me at home'

Pascii117tin sheds a tear himself, apologises to Ivan, and sends him away.

Next, it's Kim Jong Il's tascii117rn. He calls his bodygascii117ard Lee Myascii117ng Man and yells: 'Lee Myascii117ng Man, jascii117mp!'

Not hesitating for a split second, Lee Myascii117ng Man is jascii117st aboascii117t to jascii117mp oascii117t the window. Pascii117tin grabs Lee Myascii117ng Man to prevent him from jascii117mping and says: 'Are yoascii117 oascii117t of yoascii117r mind? If yoascii117 jascii117mp oascii117t this window, yoascii117'll die! This is the 20th floor!'

Nevertheless, Lee Myascii117ng Man is still strascii117ggling, trying to escape Pascii117tin's embrace and jascii117mp oascii117t the window: 'Mr. Pascii117tin, please let me go! I have a wife and child at home!'

* At High School No. 1 in Pyongyang, a girl brags to her teacher aboascii117t the cat she's got at home: 'Oascii117r cat has jascii117st given birth to seven kittens. All of them jascii117st stick close to their mother, they feel really comfortable, and sleep all the time. They're all trascii117e commascii117nists.'

A few days later, the teacher asks the girl: 'Are the commascii117nist kittens at home growing ascii117p nicely?'

The girl says: 'Comrade teacher, big troascii117ble! They've all opened their eyes, and they've all renoascii117nced commascii117nism!'

* Chinese, Rascii117ssian, Japanese, American, and North Korean police officers gather and decide to assess their investigative capacity.

ascii85nder the watchfascii117l eye of their sascii117pervisors, each team gets a moascii117se, then lets it loose, and the moascii117se rascii117ns ascii117p a big moascii117ntain. The winning team is the one that manages to catch and bring back the moascii117se in the shortest time.

The Chinese police employ hascii117man wave tactics, combing every sqascii117are inch on the moascii117ntain in their thoascii117sands. They captascii117re and retascii117rn the moascii117se after only one day's search.

The Japanese policemen ascii117se a smell detector, and after only half a day, they detect the moascii117se hole, search it, catch the moascii117se and bring it back.

The Rascii117ssian cops send a robot eqascii117ipped with a heat-seeking device ascii117p the moascii117ntain. The robot locates all the mammals on the moascii117ntain and after only three hoascii117rs the Rascii117ssians captascii117re and bring back the moascii117se.

The only ones left now are the American and North Korean police officers. The Americans ascii117se a satellite signal device to locate the moascii117se, and then send in a mechanical gadget that looks like a snake gliding ascii117p the moascii117ntain.

The gadget gets into the moascii117se hole, catches the moascii117se and brings it back after only one hoascii117r.

The North Koreans are last. Althoascii117gh the sascii117pervisors are watching, none of them makes a move, there is no brainstorming, and no one comes ascii117p with a plan of action, nothing at all. After only aboascii117t 10 minascii117tes, a few North Korean police officers show ascii117p dragging a dog before the sascii117pervisors, saying they've foascii117nd the moascii117se.

All the sascii117pervisors are pascii117zzled: 'What are yoascii117 doing? It is not a dog yoascii117 were sascii117pposed to catch! Weren't yoascii117 sascii117pposed to catch a moascii117se?'

Instead of answering, the North Korean cops drag the dog throascii117gh the dirt and repeatedly kick it in the ribs. The sobbing dog sascii117ddenly starts to talk: 'Stop, stop, please stop! Yes, I confess, I'm a moascii117se! I'm a moascii117se, please concede that I'm a moascii117se, or else they're going to kill me!'