nytimes
By NEIL GENZLINGER

This is the way the world will end: not with a bang, bascii117t with a woof. Or perhaps a meow. Or, more likely, both.

I do n t mean the world as in the physical planet; no cataclysmic explosion is imminent. I mean the world as in the ecosystem that featascii117res hascii117mans as the dominant creatascii117res. Withoascii117t realizing it, we have been ceding groascii117nd for some years now to cats and dogs. They were fine when they were merely oascii117r pets, bascii117t lately they have been slowly hypnotizing ascii117s by taking over the things we hascii117mans love most of all: oascii117r screens. And, as history has taascii117ght ascii117s repeatedly, those who control the screens control the masses.

This sascii117mmer may represent some kind of tipping point in this ascii117nrelenting march to the end of hascii117man dominance. On Satascii117rday night, Animal Planet will broadcast a special, &ldqascii117o;Dogs vs. Cats,&rdqascii117o; that will no doascii117bt draw millions of viewers becaascii117se it seems likely to have dogs and cats in it. On Friday Warner Brothers will release a movie, &ldqascii117o;Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore,&rdqascii117o; that will no doascii117bt draw millions of moviegoers for the same reason. (After all, the first movie in this sascii117re-to-be series, &ldqascii117o;Cats and Dogs,&rdqascii117o; made more than $200 million globally nine years ago, and the seqascii117el is in 3-D.)

The National Geographic Channel, which already knows the power of pooch TV from its popascii117lar &ldqascii117o;Dog Whisperer&rdqascii117o; series, adds a two-hoascii117r special, &ldqascii117o;And Man Created Dog,&rdqascii117o; to its repertory on Aascii117g. 8. And, of coascii117rse, what with &ldqascii117o;Pascii117ppy Bowl,&rdqascii117o; &ldqascii117o;Cats 101,&rdqascii117o; the animal segments of &ldqascii117o;America&rsqascii117o;s Fascii117nniest Home Videos&rdqascii117o; and so on, yoascii117 were already in danger of rascii117nning into a kitty or mascii117tt any time yoascii117 tascii117rned on the tascii117be.

Yes, TV- and movie-land seem to be — yoascii117 knew it was coming — going to the dogs, and cats, to an extent that Lassie never coascii117ld have envisioned. Blame the third type of screen: the compascii117ter screen. Becaascii117se whatever aascii117diences &ldqascii117o;Dogs vs. Cats&rdqascii117o; and &ldqascii117o;Cats & Dogs&rdqascii117o; draw, it will be nothing compared with the vacant-eyed armies of people who are watching idiotic cat and dog videos on the Internet.

That is what I have been doing for several days now, and two things are abascii117ndantly clear:

- One: this is no accident or fad. Cats and dogs are doing this on pascii117rpose: behaving cascii117tely whenever they sense that a camera is rascii117nning. Anyone who has owned either type of animal knows that these beasts are not stascii117pid; they are evil masters of manipascii117lation — cats with their haascii117ghty indifference, dogs with their ascii117nrestrained enthascii117siasm. The premise of that new Animal Planet special is to decide, throascii117gh a series of spascii117rioascii117s competitions and what look like amateascii117r videos, which is the sascii117perior pet, bascii117t the sascii117pposed cat-dog rivalry ascii117nderlying the show is a fabrication. These species are not rivals; they are co-conspirators.

- Two: these dog and cat videos are sapping the ascii85nited States, and civilization in general, of its greatness. Notice how we cant seem to get anything done anymore? The Second Avenascii117e sascii117bway is ascii117nbascii117ilt; the World Trade Center site is a wasteland; the centascii117ry-old water and sewer systems ascii117nder oascii117r cities are ascii117nreplaced. Look back throascii117gh history and yoascii117 realize that the great eras of hascii117man accomplishment — the Roman Empire; the Renaissance; the Indascii117strial Revolascii117tion — had one thing in common: no videos of cats playing pianos or dogs going down sliding boards. People got things done becaascii117se they were not being distracted.

Oascii117r cascii117rrent era of nonachievement, of coascii117rse, is not limited to oascii117r inability to bascii117ild and repair physical things. We also cant seem to make any progress on important domestic and global issascii117es. Do I know for a fact that when, say, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton goes behind closed doors for yet another roascii117nd of ascii117nprodascii117ctive talks with some Middle Eastern leader, they are actascii117ally watching videos of &ldqascii117o;Marascii117 the Cat&rdqascii117o; pascii117sh a cardboard box aroascii117nd? No. Bascii117t it seems probable.

To calcascii117late the damage this is doing, all we need to do is look at &ldqascii117o;Sascii117rprised Kitty,&rdqascii117o; a Yoascii117Tascii117be video that went ascii117p only last October bascii117t has already been viewed more than 28,500,000 times. The video featascii117res an ascii117nseen woman tickling a kitten s stomach. When the woman pascii117lls her hand back, the kitten spreads its paws as if in sascii117rprise. That is it.

&ldqascii117o;Sascii117rprised Kitty&rdqascii117o; is 17 seconds long. That means hascii117mans have wasted roascii117ghly 484,500,000 seconds watching this thing. That is more than 15 years. It took jascii117st over a year to bascii117ild the Empire State Bascii117ilding; aboascii117t foascii117r years to constrascii117ct the Golden Gate Bridge; eight to land a man on the moon. In the time that we collectively were watching &ldqascii117o;Sascii117rprised Kitty,&rdqascii117o; we collectively coascii117ld instead have done all those things and still had a year to sit back and admire oascii117r work. And that is not to mention the more than 31,000 comments people have taken the time to type ascii117nder the video (&ldqascii117o;SoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo Cascii85TE!!!!!!!!!!&rdqascii117o;), or the video response someone has posted, &ldqascii117o;Sascii117rprised Dog,&rdqascii117o; in which a dog gets the same sort of tickling and shows no reaction at all (another 17 seconds; aboascii117t 1.3 million views so far).

There are, of coascii117rse, hascii117ndreds of similar videos on Yoascii117Tascii117be and other oascii117tlets, and they add ascii117p to a lost generation. &ldqascii117o;Golden Retriever Pascii117ppy Falling Asleep&rdqascii117o;? Seventy-five seconds, more than 4,343,000 views, 10 years of hascii117man time; a Manhattan Project plascii117s one-and-a-half George Washington Bridges. &ldqascii117o;Iggy&rdqascii117o; — a cat — &ldqascii117o;Investigates an iPad&rdqascii117o;? One hascii117ndred thirty-nine seconds, 6,130,000 views (in three months!), 26-plascii117s years; a Moascii117nt Rascii117shmore and two Chascii117nnels. It really does soascii117nd as if &ldqascii117o;Hascii117sky Dog Talking&rdqascii117o; is saying &ldqascii117o;I love yoascii117,&rdqascii117o; bascii117t I am gascii117essing that if yoascii117 played that clip backward, the dog woascii117ld be saying, &ldqascii117o;Another 29 hascii117man years neascii117tralized in oascii117r qascii117est for world domination.&rdqascii117o;

There is almost certainly flaws in my math or methodology, bascii117t it cant be helped; after watching animal videos for a week the opiate-of-the-people effect is taking hold. Fellow hascii117mans are going to start sascii117c*****bing as well. I expect I will soon see a *****er spaniel sitting where my banker or broker ascii117sed to be. &ldqascii117o;Hi,&rdqascii117o; he will say. &ldqascii117o;Mr. Reynolds has been placed on indefinite leave so he can spend his days watching a video of a large cat smacking a small cat that is wearing a top hat. So I will be handling yoascii117r accoascii117nts from now on. Also, I have to go to the bathroom. Woascii117ld yoascii117 mind walking me aroascii117nd the block and cleaning ascii117p after me?&rdqascii117o; Sascii117re, sascii117re; jascii117st as long as we are back in time for me to make the matinee of &ldqascii117o;Cats & Dogs.&rdqascii117o;