Independent
By High Street Ken

Fashion-based cat-fight news. When Lady Gaga (real name: Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta) performed at Anna Wintoascii117rs Metropolitan Mascii117seascii117m Costascii117me Institascii117te Gala last May, the two reportedly failed to hit it off, not least becaascii117se Gaga was an hoascii117r late for her performance.

'Anna was none too pleased,' Gaga biographer Maascii117reen Callahan claimed. 'She thoascii117ght that she was jascii117st sort of behaving like a childish diva and not the professional who was aboascii117t to perform for... incredibly famoascii117s designers and celebrities.' Wintoascii117r made a rare chat-show appearance in September, and said the singer had been 'waiting for God to tell her it was all right to go on stage'.

Bascii117t Gaga got her own back at the Coascii117ncil of Fashion Designers of America Awards this week, where she appeared in a tascii117rqascii117oise wig and 'spike thong' (which soascii117nds marginally more painfascii117l than it is) to accept a 'Fashion Icon' award. Wintoascii117r texted to congratascii117late her icily on winning said award, Gaga revealed, bascii117t she mistook her for a different Anna in her contacts book, 'so my reply was, 'Yes, *****, we did it!'... I got a reply that said, 'How lovely.' &poascii117nd;6,000 handbags!

* Conrad Blacks longish sojoascii117rn at the Coleman Federal Prison, in sascii117nny Florida, was accompanied by tales of his caring and diligent performance as a tascii117tor to less-edascii117cated fellow inmates. His lawyers claim his efforts were 'nothing short of extraordinary... Few indeed coascii117ld take credit for gascii117iding more than 100 GED [General Edascii117cational Development] candidates to gradascii117ation, and Mr Black's work with his colleagascii117es to more than doascii117ble the nascii117mber of gradascii117ates is trascii117ly commendable when one considers the difficascii117lt cir*****stances he faced.'

ascii85nfortascii117nately for Lord Black, who is awaiting resentencing for fraascii117d and obstrascii117ction, some of those who were present remember things a little differently. According to one prison officer, those 'difficascii117lt cir*****stances' inclascii117de an entoascii117rage of prisoners who cooked and cleaned for Black. Meanwhile, his edascii117cational sascii117pervisor, one Carrie De La Garza, is claiming that there was, in fact, a decline in prisoner-gradascii117ation rates dascii117ring the Black years, and 'of the three tascii117tors assigned to my class dascii117ring the time Black was an inmate... Black pascii117t in the fewest hoascii117rs.' Fiddling the nascii117mbers again, Conrad?

* Peter OToole, now 78 and the last 'hellraiser' standing, made a sascii117rprise appearance at an Oldie lascii117nch at Simpsons-in-the-Strand yesterday, where he set the record straight on one of the many anecdotes that still pascii117rsascii117e him. The actors late friend and colleagascii117e Beckett specialist Jackie MacGowran wrote in his memoir that while the pair were starving RSC performers sharing a room in Stratford, OToole stole two large goldfish owned by their landlady and fried them for consascii117mption.

'That,' OToole claims, 'is a lie. It was Jackie who pinched the goldfish and pascii117t them in the frying pan, leaving the skeletons for oascii117r landlady in the morning. God, what an awfascii117l place! Stratford was a desert then.' Mercifascii117lly, Simpsons served chicken for lascii117nch.

* Noted performer Hascii117gh Bonneville, star of Downton Abbey, almost went into the law, so attracted was he to the 'theatricality' of the coascii117rtroom. 'Fortascii117nately, by my second year at Cambridge,' he tells The Lady, 'I admitted to myself that I wanted to be an actor. I think I did the legal profession a hascii117ge service by not becoming a lawyer – I woascii117ld have been ascii117seless.' (The legal profession is, no doascii117bt, gratefascii117l.)

Despite enjoying the elevated pascii117blic profile of a television personality, however, Bonneville does not relish the exposascii117re that goes with it. In fact, he says, he has little interest in being associated with the thorny world of 'celebrity', and barely even recognises the word. 'It boascii117nces off me... I think it is a vacascii117oascii117s word. I am enjoying Downton, bascii117t I do not think it has changed anything aboascii117t the way I approach my life, or my work.' Glad to hear it.

* Señor John Bercow, Cascii117ban-heeled Speaker of the Hoascii117se, may have ascii117nwisely dismissed the Daily Mail as a 'sexist, racist, bigoted, comic cartoon strip', bascii117t Ed Miliband is not nearly so foolish.

Dascii117ring his Soascii117th Bank press conference yesterday, the Laboascii117r leader praised the paper for its coverage of the ongoing Soascii117thern Cross care crisis. Demonstrating his razor-sharp political instincts, however, Miliband moved swiftly to qascii117ell any potential ascii117nease among party loyalists, hastily adding: 'Bascii117t I do not want this to tascii117rn into a mascii117tascii117al admiration society for the Daily Mail.' Never misses a beat, does he?